Why do I Self-Sabotage?

We've all been there. You've made a promise to yourself to... [go to the gym 4 times a week]/[eat more healthily]/[spend less time with those people that drain you]... but then a few days/weeks into your "new life" you end up slipping back into bad habits and finding some reason /excuse not to keep going. Why do we self sabotage in this way? Why is it often so difficult to keep promises that we make to ourselves.

We often self sabotage when there is a mismatch between our goals/intentions and our deeply held beliefs.

• Let's say, for example, that you want to eat more healthily (INTENTION) but you also don't ever feel very good about your body or believe that it deserves nourishment, love, care and the time it takes to prepare healthy meals (DEEPLY HELD BELIEF). You're more likely to find some excuse to not do it anymore e.g. "I just don't have time for this right now" or "this won't work anyway, what's the point in trying" or "I'll start next week once things slow down".

• Or let's say that you would really like to have uplifting and positive relationships and friendships in your life (INTENTION) but you always end up surrounding yourself with people that drain you, it may be because deep down you don't feel "good enough" or loveable/ worthy of healthy relationships and friendships (DEEPLY HELD BELIEF).

• Or maybe you really would like to get to the gym (INTENTION) but you just don't see yourself as a very "athletic" or "fit" person (DEEPLY HELD BELIEF) - this view that you have of yourself and the identity that you have created for yourself could lead you to sabotage your fitness journey. You may feel afraid of how others in the gym will perceive you, give up trying because it feels like too much effort, or postpone exercise to another time/ season.

So if your inner beliefs don't match up with your outer goals, what can you do about it?

• Notice the unhelpful beliefs that you may have about yourself. The first step is always awareness. If you are struggling with self sabotage in any area of your life - ask yourself what you may believe about yourself or your life in those areas.

• Then a very helpful tool to shift some of your more embedded belief systems and habits is hypnotherapy. This works by targeting the subconscious mind and all of those things that we have running on autopilot in our brains.

• You can also start to gently challenge any negative self talk that you notice. Self sabotage can often creep in when you are motivating yourself in a very harsh and critical way or engaging in self-pity, instead of coaching yourself using self compassion. Ask yourself how you would coach a loved one to reach their goals in both a motivational/inspirational but also kind and compassionate way.

If you would like some support to manage any self sabotage that is showing up for you around your food choices, please get in touch with us at info@thefoodtherapyclinic.com to book in a free consultation.

“Self-sabotage is what happens when we refuse to consciously meet our innermost needs, often because we do not believe we are capable of handling them.”― Brianna Wiest