Why Am I Being So Negative?

“There is a magnificent, beautiful, wonderful painting in front of you! It is intricate, detailed, a painstaking labor of devotion and love! The colors are like no other, they swim and leap, they trickle and embellish! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the small fly which has landed on it! Why do you do such a thing?” ― C. JoyBell C.

Do you ever find that you spend most of your time focusing on things that you don't like about yourself and your appearance?

Or perhaps you obsess over mistakes you've made but find it hard to celebrate things that you've done well?

Or maybe you notice that negative memories keep playing out on loop but those positive memories are harder to access?

THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. Humans have a natural negativity bias. This negativity bias means that we naturally look out for and focus in on NEGATIVE things. From an evolutionary perspective this was very important. It allowed us to avoid danger and threats successfully. For example, it was far more important that we noticed and remembered where that predator was, than where those delicious berries were. If we didn't notice and remember the location of that predator, we wouldn't have been around long enough to enjoy those berries. But in today's world, our negativity bias works against us. It skews our perpective so that we end up looking for and seeing flaws, mistakes and things that have gone through more than we notice positive traits, things we've done well and things that have gone to plan.

We can also end up thinking more negative thoughts when our mood is low or we are feeling anxious. You will often hear people suggesting that we should try and cultivate more positive thoughts in order to feel better. But sometimes we need to try and cultivate a more positive mood in order to experience more positive thoughts. Some things that can negatively affect our mood and in turn lead to more negative thoughts include:

• Sleep deprivation and tiredness: we all know how awful it feels to be tired. When we are tired we are also more prone to anxiety and low mood and consequently more negative thoughts.

• Not moving our body: moving our body has a positive impact on our mood. So when we haven't moved our body for a while, we can be more prone to negative thoughts.

• Not nourishing our body: starving ourselves or not eating enough nutrient-dense food can have a negative impact on our mood and consequently our thoughts.

• Being switched-on for long periods of time: not having enough time to rest and recharge can lead to burn out but also more negative thoughts too.

So by looking to take care of, nurture and nourish our bodies we can improve our mood and make it more likely that we will experience positive thoughts. However, we can also consciously work to balance out our natural negativity bias by actively looking for positive things in our life. For example you may ask yourself:

• What do I like about my appearance?

• What has gone well for me in the past week?

• What aspects of my personality do I appreciate and am grateful for?

• Which of my achievements can I celebrate?